Cell Phones – Pathway to Teenage Disciplinary Problems

Do you have a teen or have friends that have teens that have cell phones? Of course you do. Doesn’t everybody today? Have any of these teens gotten into some kind of trouble at school or with the law or had some other kind behavioral problem? Seems like today the answer is quite possibly yes.

I am not a young man. Nor am I any kind of authority. However, my elevated age has given me greater visibility over a several generations. Not just my own kids and grand kids but our friends kids and grand kids as well. My own children were grown before the advent of cell phones. I’m glad of that. And, I now believe that had cell phones been available I would not allow them to have one. I am quite sure I would have been even MORE unpopular.

Teenage discipline today is, I believe, at its poorest in our history. Of course its not all their fault and there is no single reason. Reasons include schools that can’t or won’t demand discipline and many parents are not the best disciplinarians. Many of our children have little or no respect for authority. The reasons are many and in my opinion, stem for the loss of local control of our public schools. That is another subject and my intent here is to expose one reason which, if not a cause, certainly may to be a vehicle to delinquency.

The cell phone. One of the most revolutionary inventions of out time. It has increased out ability to communicate on the go. No longer are we tied to a wire and have a connection almost anywhere and everywhere in our country at all times. In addition to just voice calls, there are many other features available if you want and are willing to pay for them. While all this technology is wonderful, I believe that teens and not capable of handling the freedom that comes with the ownership of such a device. Think about it, instant communication with all their friends, anytime, anywhere using any of the cell phone mediums available. Text messaging, internet instant messaging, voice, Facebook, Myspace and I am sure there are more. All in complete privacy and any time, anywhere day or night. Many kids sleep with their phones or at least keep the phone very close for quick retrieval of a message or a call. The phone rings and beeps all night long and kids wake up to answer.  By morning they are exhausted from lack of sleep. It is an extremely easy way for our children circumvent parental authority and direction or the “rules of the house” without your knowledge.

Oh, I have heard all the rational for kids have cell phones, “Safety”, “they can call me in an emergency”, “I can call them to see where they are”, etc. While all of this is true, it shrinks in comparison to the problems it can cause. Why should we make it so easy for them to get into trouble?

One example. A teen girl goes to on vacation with family and meets a person whom she has never seen before and knows nothing about. She gives him her cell phone number. Later that night he texts or calls her to meet him and go out and have fun. She sneaks out without her parent’s knowledge and they go out and do what ever. You can say she would have done that anyway and maybe you would be right. However, could she have as easily done so if she had not had a cell phone to communicate secretly?

Another. A teen goes out for the evening with friends. Has a curfew of course. Calls her mom on the cell phone and says she is at a friend’s house and is it ok to spend the night. Wise mom asks for the phone number of the friend’s house. Wise mom calls the friends house. The friend’s parents know nothing about it and the kids are not at home. This wise mom has no idea where the child is or from where she was calling.

Since there is immediate contact with others, several things other things happen.  Gossip spreads at light speed making kids (mostly girls) uptight and anxious much of the time.  Parties get started using mass texting or email to everyone on their contact list complete with "Mapquest" directions to the party.  More recently they use facebook groups for the thing.  They can be there in minutes.  All planned and executed at lightning speed and with out any parental  knowledge or consent.

Even thought most schools forbid use of cell phones in school, teens do take them to school and use them to text and talk to each other during class.  Even using them to pass answers during tests.  Now thats a good aid to education keeping them well focused on the their education.

Ever heard of "sexting"?  Thats media texting where they send inappropriate pictures to one another.  I'm sure that furthers their cultural experiance.

Why should we make it so easy for our children to do the things that they know they are not supposed to do? We know they are going to do some unwise things because we did when we were their age. Nevertheless, why make it easy. Why give them the vehicle to get into trouble and possibly serious trouble.

Have you ever heard of texting while driving? It is rampant. Teens have little driving experience at best. Add that distraction and the outcome could be and too often is disastrous.

My point is that by allowing kids access to this wondrous technology we are almost assured that they will use it unwisely to break the rules, deceive their parents or otherwise abuse the privilege.

So, what do you do? There are several possible answers. None of them is very easy and especially if your child already has a cell phone. It is hard to go back once they have had the experience. Just like some other things. Oh, you could try to take it away or severely restrict it. However, you will have to put up with a lot of grief.  One mom told me that she did take the phone away only to find the child with someone else's spare phone shortly thereafter. Restrictions won’t work unless you get rid of most of the options, like texting, and internet access because if those options are available they will use them anyway. Don’t be naive they are kids.

At this point, I am sure you think I hate teenagers. Nothing could be further from the truth. However, it is a time in their lives when many will do very stupid things, and sometimes they aren’t straightened out for a long time.

I believe we as adults, parents and grandparents are guardians of our youth and we are therefore responsible for their guidance. As such, we must do everything we can to keep them from making as many mistakes as possible. We cannot do so if we are unaware of what they are doing and where they are.

Here is an option. Did you know that you can use any working digital cell phone (that means it can’t be too old) to dial 911. It doesn’t have to have an active account with any cell phone provider. “Cell phones are regulated by the FCC. FCC requirements state that ALL cell phones, regardless of status of service (or even the lack of service) must be able to dial 911.” That could answer your “emergency” need.

Here is another. There are phones available that will allow calls to be placed or received from only certain numbers as authorized and locked by caring parents. Some even restrict what time of day calls may be made or received. Google “kids cell phones”.

Don’t expect any help from cell phone carriers. They make plenty from teens and cultivate that business.  The carriers do, however, allow you to see what numbers and therefore who they are texting and calling and  how long and how much they are doing so.  But only if you read the bill.

Bottom line is it is the parents that must be in control of the cell phone. Forget about the peer pressure and “everybody has one”. Outside of the safety issue, there is very little if any requirement or necessity for a child to possess one. To teens, a cell phone is a must have toy, a social enabler, a tool they can use for privacy that they are not ready to handle. It is certainly a way to evade and deceive.

MB Roark Sr.